How do you pass a year?

So, it's been a year since JJ came into our lives and then left so quickly, too quickly.  Talking with a friend about it, we discussed how the first few months seemed to pass slowly, but these last six have just zoomed past.  And here we are, staring at the year mark.

In the last year, we've learned a lot about patience, heartache and faith.  It's hard to believe, but losing JJ wasn't the only trial we dealt with in the last year.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  On the good side, we had plenty of distractions.  On the bad side,  we had plenty to worry about.  But after a year of difficulty, things seem to be working out, coming together.  And that's kind of hard.

Moving on makes me think, we're leaving JJ behind.  We're moving on without him.  But I have to remind myself, that he'll always be with us and it's okay to keep moving on.  It's what's best for us and for him.

I know the last year has strengthened our relationship. Made us appreciate each other more.  Made us miss each other a little bit too.  As my mom had told me right after JJ was born, "You have to go through your dark tunnel alone and after it's over, find each other again."  I think we're close to the end of our tunnels.  I hope so.

Something we've talked about this weekend is what do we think JJ's been doing the past year.  We both know he's accomplished, learned and grown a whole lot more than we have!  We know he has more family up there than we have down here.  We know his great grandparents and great great grandparents and especially his uncle have taken him under his wing.  Jason hopes he's been a busy little missionary.  I hope he's felt our love every single minute.

We invited some of our close friends to do sealings with us on Friday night in his honor.  Being in the temple was a powerful experience to remember him and the covenants that will keep us together beyond the grave. 

I know this year will be the hardest birthday to make it through.  I think that as time goes on, peace and comfort will replace the sadness and tears we feel at his passing.  We take comfort in knowing he's in a better place, free from this world of sin and sorrow.  And I take comfort in knowing that anytime I ask, I can have his elder brother give him a hug for me and give me an immediate feeling of joy and peace.