Baby Bucket

So a few things happened this week- I saw on my blog that yesterday meant 100 days left until the baby is here.  I'm actually thinking I probably won't go full term, so we could probably say T- less than 100 before everything changes around here!

Then, we were watching a "How I Met Your Mother" episode where Marshall and Lily thought they were pregnant for all of 20 minutes.  That entire time, they completely freaked out when they realized what a baby would mean in their lives.

Plus, I've been having major problems sleeping.  I went to bed too early one night, so then I woke up too early and Toby thought it was time to get up, so we did.  Then for whatever reason, I couldn't shut down enough to go to bed.  Usually, my Curtis genes trump everything and I am out like a light, but this week I've just been laying in bed....thinking....about the baby and all that.  (I think part of it is the excitement with winter break being here in a little over a day!   I'm like a child on Christmas Eve- I can't wait!)

Anyway, I've decided Jason and I need to make ourselves a baby bucket list.  (Why don't they have any phrases for having kids?  I know for getting married there's the "ol' ball and chain" and stuff like that, but I don't know of anything for kids.  Maybe I'll figure it out once I have them...) Figure out what we HAVE to get done before a little one takes over our existence.  Have any ideas?

Here's the issue- Jason and I have been married for six years.  Not really too long, but we haven't had any kids in that time.  So, we've had six years of just the two of us.  We love our time together.  We love to do things together.  To be together. All that great stuff. 

Someone asked him at church, "How long have you been married?" "Six years." "Really?  I thought you were newlyweds" "Why?" "Because you always cuddle during church, only newlyweds do that." Well, you see, when you don't have kids, you can cuddle any time you want.  Our life is one big cuddle fest.

How do you define "date"?  I define it as spending one on one time with someone you like.  Uh, that sounds like our life too.  We pretty much live in one big date bubble.  Our whole life is date night!  A trip to QT, date.  A movie, date.  Dinner out, date.  We are dating pros.

So, as it gets closer to the baby actually being here, it's sorta bittersweet.  We are so ready to have a baby.  It took us a year and a half to get pregnant with JJ and then to go through all of that and now, by the time the baby comes it will be over three years since we decided to try to get pregnant.  Three years of a lot of changes and a lot of life.  We went through a lot of that "once the baby comes" with JJ and then for it to not really come to fruition, I've been reluctant to go through all out again.  But at 26 weeks, it's looking like there will be a baby coming and we probably need to make some changes around here.

And, good heavens, we've had over six years together, we certainly have had the time to be newlyweds and adjust to being married and figure out how to sleep in the same bed and to work through things together without distractions.  But, boy, will things be different very soon.

I find myself wanting to make travel plans for spring break and I think, "uh, wait, you're due that week- not a good idea."  It's like I have to reprogram my entire brain!

But one thing that does bring me a lot of comfort to all of these wonderful changes is knowing that the Lord is in charge.  When I think of the powerful experience I had to tell me it was time to start trying to get pregnant and then for it to take so long for it to all come together.  Then to think about how I felt after we lost JJ and how I wanted to be pregnant NOW.  And I kept telling the Lord that and we tried so hard and we wanted it so bad.  I kept thinking, "Excuse me!?!  What is going on here?  Why isn't this working?  It's a righteous desire!"  And now I feel like a penitent little child, "Oh, I guess you do know what you're doing."  Because it seems like this baby coming at this time is just what we need.  Just enough time for us to figure things out and to be ready to change things upside down from Date Night to Parenting 101.  And I am overwhelmed with gratitude to know that the Lord does know what is going on here and He is doing what is best for us.  While we can't understand it or see it from our little sphere in the world- He can and He will listen to us whine and temper tantrum until we see, like He did all along, what we've needed all along.