Mommy, THIS is the last time

The older Johnny gets, the more I wish he had a way to tell me "Mommy, THIS is the last time." 

At first, I didn't even realized I'd missed the last time he fell asleep nursing before bed time until he did it a few weeks ago and I about jumped for joy.

"He never does THIS anymore; this is so special."

He's had a cold lately and been grouchy and needy and not himself.  The other day before we nursed in the middle of the day, he cuddled with me for five minutes.  Cuddled, finger in mouth, head resting on mommy for five minutes.

"He never does THIS anymore; this is so special."

I've been cleaning out photos on the computer and seeing other things he used to do.  Wow, I wish I'd known the last time he did that.  It was so special when he did.

The other day I was in Kohls.  The minute I walked in, I heard a newborn screaming the newborn hunger scream.  You know what I'm talking about, the scream that will wake a zombie.  That incessant, I can't do anything about this but wait for you to feed me, relentless cry that only a newborn can do.  It was echoing through the entire store.  I texted my sister about it and told her I was about to go nurse that baby myself! And my sister replied, "Better watch out.  Newborns take FOREVER to nurse."

And I remembered what it was like when Johnny was little.  When he nursed every two hours like a clock.  When he spent about two hours a day not in my arms.  When he did take forever to nurse.  When he finished nursing and sprawled out across my chest like nothing else would ever make him that satisfied ever again.

I remember how I thought about that then.  I think about how I remember it now and wish I could enjoy it just one more time.  So I could say to myself,

"He never does THIS anymore; this is so special."

Johnny, 4 weeks old