When Jason and I were signing up for excursions on our cruise to Mexico in October (some day I'll get around to blogging about that...), we decided we would compromise. I would pick the excursion in one city and he would in the other. That way each of us would get to be happy at least once. As we were sitting in our stateroom, looking at the excursions list, Jason said to me, "Where's the one where you sit on the beach and eat tacos?" I totally had to smile at what this showed about my wonderful husband- it takes so little to make him happy. (Honestly, I wish they'd had that excursion, it probably would have been a lot cheaper!)
Those of you who have been on cruises know they don't have any that simple. For the adventurous type (us in Puerto Vallarta), you can drive a jeep through the city, up to the rain forest and then down to the beach, sit there for 30 minutes and then drive to a tequila factory and eat tacos. For the historically minded (us in Mazatlan), you can walk two miles along the beach and then around a historical city, enjoy a souvenir shop, visit a 150 year old cathedral and end with eating tacos in the city square. Or for the truly daring (us in Cabo San Lucas) you can opt out of all cruise endorsed excursions and find your own transportation to/from the local attraction, then to the beach to rent jet skis and then quiz the locals to find your own hard core taco shop on wheels, flat ones, but wheels nonetheless.
As I reflect on this week, a very hard one indeed, (I might put it up there with one of the hardest ones since October 29.) I think about, How do I get through this? How do I make it work? I know that this is only making me stronger, but, oh, how it hurts. Oh how the process of purifying through fire is painful. How I long for something easy. How I yearn for something to just work out. And then I remember Jason's sweet, innocent question and I want to ask the Lord the same question. "Where is the life where I sit on the beach and eat tacos?" No adventure, please. No more history. Nothing daring. Just let us sit on the beach, relax, drink some Naranja and enjoy some authentic tacos. That's all. Just something easy and simple.
But then I remember all that I know about the plan of salvation and I know that wouldn't work out for us. Jason would get bored after 30 minutes and probably gain 20 pounds in a month from all those tacos. I would stop interacting with human beings as I'd be reading so much, actually, I'd probably forget how to talk. While the easy life sounds nice right now, it's not what we need. Thank goodness there is One who knows what we need and he doesn't listen to us when we say, "Gimme tacos and waves." He just smiles, like I did with Jason, and patiently says, "No, we don't offer that, but there are all of these other great options. You can learn the meaning of a loving, eternal companion and family by watching them sit by your hospital bed taking care of you, entertaining you and comforting for three days. You can experience Christlike love when people you don't even know bring you food, clean your house and go to the temple with you to share your grief. You can build empathy and deep and true friendships with women who have gone through similar things and realize how passing judgment only keeps you from meeting great people. You can grow patience when you lose your first son too early and too quick and have to wait a lifetime to be with him again. Or you can testify of the Atonement after you feel the peace and comfort of an older brother who suffered for every tear you shed, every shortcoming you have, and every sin you'll ever commit just so he can wrap his arms around you and let you know that you will get through this. Do any of those sound good to you? And there's a special right now- you can get all of this with just one excursion!"
So, while I dream of a sunny day in Cabo with tacos, novels and Naranja, I will try to find peace with my new friends, my eternal family and my testimony that tell me this will only make me stronger. Just like I can look back and say that jet skiing wasn't my first choice, it ended up being one of my favorite experiences on our cruise- some day I'll look back and be able to say the same thing about this. It wasn't my first choice but it ended up being one of the most precious, strengthening and peaceful experiences of my life.
6 comments:
This was beautiful, Katie. I've never been where you are, but I know Jesus is more than able to comfort your hurting heart.
I will think of you guys often this Christmas and pray that your spirit continue to grown in the love of Jesus Christ.
May God continue to bless this journey you travel.
Matthew 11:25-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
1 Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Although, I do not believe that Jesus Christ is our brother, I do absolutely believe that He is our God, our Lord and Savior. I do believe that during difficult times, through Him comes relief, rest, and protection to our weary souls. Through adversity, we have the opportunity to strengthen our relationship, and our dependence on Him. By doing this, comes the blessing of peace and the feeling of being delivered from great pain and sorrow. Not a day goes by that I do not think about and pray for you, Jason, and J.J. In the end, by holding tightly to our faith in Jesus Christ, our sons will again be delivered to us. The pain of loosing J.J. has pierced your heart. I can say with affirmation, and assurance, Katie, the Lord will deliver you and bring you peace. I love you without end, Aunt Lana
Wow...I feel so lucky to be your friend....just, WOW. Amazing strength. You have no idea how badly I yearn to "help" you in someway, but of course the experiences in my life are inadequate when it comes to empathizing with what you're going through. My heart breaks for you more than I try to let show because I want to be a fun and happy friend. Keep writing Katie. You have such a beautiful writing style and express yourself so well. I thoroughly enjoy reading these posts. Like taking a sneak peak into your heart. Sad because it's an injured heart, sometimes torn apart, but beautiful because it's full of truth and a mother's love. You ARE a mom. In a previous post you put twice that you wanted to be a mom, and I know what you mean,(to raise a child) but you are a mother. I know you know that but I just had to remind you of that. I could go on forever, but I won't. Hope you sleep well tonight. <3
Katie,
Thank you for those words! I don't think anyone could have said it better. I know it has to be tough to share your feelings but those that read them will be blessed- just like I was- to remember the real reason for life.
You have a way with words my friend. You are able to teach and to share your feelings with a beautiful turn of phrase. Thanks for reminding us of our Heavenly Father's plan.
I read this post a few days ago and had to contemplate my response. I love your analogy relating to the fact that this life is not intended to be just as easy as "tacos on the beach." The other thought I had was that we can live life as simply as "tacos on the beach." For sure, things are going to come our way that will make life adventurous (sometimes in not the good kind of way) and it is in these situations we will grow. Growth doesn't happen without some work. Sometimes I overcomplicate life and then I'm left with thinking, "okay, time to simplify." I can find peace and happiness in the simple things of life. Tacos on the beach will suffice. Does that make any sense??
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