Touched by Divorce

Never in my life had anyone close to me been touched by divorce.  Yes, I had friends in elementary school whose parents were divorced, but I never saw it happen.  Yes, I had aunts and uncles get divorces, but I never saw it happen.

In college I remember my friend's parents (not a very close friend, mind you) getting a divorce.  It took them forever to finalize everything because they both made too much money to agree on alimony/child support and their kids were almost all grown.

But, still, I had never seen a divorce until recently.

My brother and sister in law's divorce was finalized a few months ago. One of my closest friends called me in tears last week because she was getting a divorce.  And it has really shaken me up!

I talk to Jason about it and he thinks that I'm worried we're going to get a divorce.  So then he's worried.  My husband doesn't worry, so when he does, it just makes me worry more and then we're all suffering from ulcers.

That's not it.  I can't really put words to it.  I know the statistics about divorce.  I know that one out of every two marriages end in divorce.  I know that in the church the chances are better, but it still happens.  I know that every additional marriage after a divorce, your likelihood of getting a divorce increases.

What scares me though, is I remember these marriages when they were happy!  I knew these people as happy, loving, married people. And they're over.  They're done.

It makes me think about what it would mean to me if my parents ever got a divorce and it would really scare me.  When I think about that horrible (totally fictitious) event, I realize how important it is to me that my parents are happily married.  I realize how it would shake my very existence and everything else in my life if it ended.  (No worries, every year, they get even more happily married, so happily married, sometimes it might seem sickening. No joke.)

It also makes me realize that marriage is work.  Just because things are good now, or they were good yesterday, or they're good tomorrow doesn't mean anything.

Divorce is a very real thing.

Last month's Ensign was all about marriage.  One of my favorite quotes I read was "Temple marriage describes the place you go to have a marriage performed. Celestial marriage is what you create by being true to the sacred covenants you make during the temple marriage ceremony." (Robert D. Hales, 1976)

And, bottom line, divorce still bothers me.  It still gets under my skin and makes me shudder.  It still scares me like identify theft does (not because I think it's going to happen, but I know it could happen to anyone who isn't anxiously protecting their marriage).

You have to work to create the marriage you want.  It isn't easy, but it is simple little things.  Those things we need to be reminded about.  Saying thank you.  Giving a hug.  Doing something to help without being asked or thanked.  Listening. Cuddling. Texting a sweet note.  Those and so many other things can help fortify our marriages against the big, bag and ugly things in the world trying to destroy them.

This post took a totally different turn than I expected, and I'm feeling rather soap box-y, so I might want to step down and take a break.  :)

Bottom line, I love my honey and I'm ready and willing to drive him crazy every day for the rest of this life and the one after this, too.  :)